never have i ever
Assalamualaikum and Hi.
After 4 weeks or 1 month, SUKMA has ended I finally get myself back. I even ate a lot this week. Even until now, I'm still eating... burger. Hehe. I am so happy since I get my appetite but my weight gonna increased. Hoping I will stop this bad habit this really soon and start my healthy lifestyle. Umm lately, I have been thinking a lot. More than I should think. I did not wake up in the middle of night but I cannot sleep. This unhealthy habit should slow down.
Life is no longer same as before, my siblings started to get infection from my fever. My younger sister, till today still had slightly fever with tonsil swollen. My younger brother had nose bleed and yeah. I know I was not a good sister but still I cannot see people sick, especially my family members. May Allah ease everything. I need to write so I will never forget if I read my post in years time. I hope I will continue blogging and make it as a habit. Maybe one post in one month? Or one post in a year? HAHAHAHA.
So yesterday, something happened. I never thought to check everything back. Like it almost a year, I did not check on him. I never thought of doing it yesterday. I read his dm and on the top of the dm is a girl, and I opened it so the last message was from him and saya sayang awak. Yeap thats totally my fault of reading it but if I did not read it, how would I know right? My instinct on him, is always right since our breakup. I don't know why, if I have a bad feelings on him then it will be. I should stop because it hurts me.
It was 2am yesterday and the person I whatsapp-ed was Hazierah. The same person I will rely on if I had relationship problem with someone. Not only about relationship because it is almost every problem I had, she will be the first one who knows. Thanks god, she is in United Kingdom and it was evening. She have not sleep and she replied me as soon as possible. I always wanted her advice. She knows me well. What I really feel about what just happened. She completes it. Once she slow me down, she gives advices that quite helpful for me. As usual she is always the best! I love you more than you ever know, Jee.
After few hours of sleep, I woke up today and considering what just happened last night and yeah I'm good. Maybe being hurt few times by the same person really taught me how to be strong? Or is this the effect of army training? Which I never cared about anyone. Or anything? Trust me, the only thing that makes me stay is what he had done to me even we broke up 2 years ago/more is he always relying on me. Whenever he had problems, he will find me. Every-time. So I still considering him and reserves part of my heart for him. All I did was totally wrong. It is not easy for me to trust any guy since I have give it all to him before. It really hard and I am feeling bad to myself for not giving any chances to the people who come to my life after him. Trust me, the wound is too deep. But I trust one quote that the wound is the place where the light enters you.
I really hope that this feeling will end soon. I hate it. I even hate my past with him. Never have I ever not meeting him in the past, still I feel this feelings now? Maybe yes and maybe no. I trust in qada' dan qadr'. For whatever has happened, has it own reason itself. All this incident put together, were a blessing to me. I felt like it matured me in many ways. I gained clarity amidst all of the chaos fluff in everyday life. This feeling thing is nothing right, dearself? I deserve more and more right? Keep true to yourself is what really matters. The rest of it just....... noise.
I learned to forgive but I will not forget.
Dear you,
it is not easy being in love with you for years. Shared almost everything and slowly it fade away. This 2 years taught me of giving chances that you never appreciate. If people ask how long it will take just to forget you. I have no answer for it. It becomes my yesterday but no longer my future. I am so thankful for the memories, advices and guidances. If yesterday my heart keep telling me that count it until get back together it no longer now. May Allah gives you happiness that you deserves.
If you guys who reading this knows about whom I am talking about, let it be the secret between us. No hate or love. Because this is the platform where I spilled out everything in my heart. With he knows, then let him be. It will be only between us.
After 4 weeks or 1 month, SUKMA has ended I finally get myself back. I even ate a lot this week. Even until now, I'm still eating... burger. Hehe. I am so happy since I get my appetite but my weight gonna increased. Hoping I will stop this bad habit this really soon and start my healthy lifestyle. Umm lately, I have been thinking a lot. More than I should think. I did not wake up in the middle of night but I cannot sleep. This unhealthy habit should slow down.
Life is no longer same as before, my siblings started to get infection from my fever. My younger sister, till today still had slightly fever with tonsil swollen. My younger brother had nose bleed and yeah. I know I was not a good sister but still I cannot see people sick, especially my family members. May Allah ease everything. I need to write so I will never forget if I read my post in years time. I hope I will continue blogging and make it as a habit. Maybe one post in one month? Or one post in a year? HAHAHAHA.
So yesterday, something happened. I never thought to check everything back. Like it almost a year, I did not check on him. I never thought of doing it yesterday. I read his dm and on the top of the dm is a girl, and I opened it so the last message was from him and saya sayang awak. Yeap thats totally my fault of reading it but if I did not read it, how would I know right? My instinct on him, is always right since our breakup. I don't know why, if I have a bad feelings on him then it will be. I should stop because it hurts me.
It was 2am yesterday and the person I whatsapp-ed was Hazierah. The same person I will rely on if I had relationship problem with someone. Not only about relationship because it is almost every problem I had, she will be the first one who knows. Thanks god, she is in United Kingdom and it was evening. She have not sleep and she replied me as soon as possible. I always wanted her advice. She knows me well. What I really feel about what just happened. She completes it. Once she slow me down, she gives advices that quite helpful for me. As usual she is always the best! I love you more than you ever know, Jee.
After few hours of sleep, I woke up today and considering what just happened last night and yeah I'm good. Maybe being hurt few times by the same person really taught me how to be strong? Or is this the effect of army training? Which I never cared about anyone. Or anything? Trust me, the only thing that makes me stay is what he had done to me even we broke up 2 years ago/more is he always relying on me. Whenever he had problems, he will find me. Every-time. So I still considering him and reserves part of my heart for him. All I did was totally wrong. It is not easy for me to trust any guy since I have give it all to him before. It really hard and I am feeling bad to myself for not giving any chances to the people who come to my life after him. Trust me, the wound is too deep. But I trust one quote that the wound is the place where the light enters you.
I really hope that this feeling will end soon. I hate it. I even hate my past with him. Never have I ever not meeting him in the past, still I feel this feelings now? Maybe yes and maybe no. I trust in qada' dan qadr'. For whatever has happened, has it own reason itself. All this incident put together, were a blessing to me. I felt like it matured me in many ways. I gained clarity amidst all of the chaos fluff in everyday life. This feeling thing is nothing right, dearself? I deserve more and more right? Keep true to yourself is what really matters. The rest of it just....... noise.
I learned to forgive but I will not forget.
Dear you,
it is not easy being in love with you for years. Shared almost everything and slowly it fade away. This 2 years taught me of giving chances that you never appreciate. If people ask how long it will take just to forget you. I have no answer for it. It becomes my yesterday but no longer my future. I am so thankful for the memories, advices and guidances. If yesterday my heart keep telling me that count it until get back together it no longer now. May Allah gives you happiness that you deserves.
If you guys who reading this knows about whom I am talking about, let it be the secret between us. No hate or love. Because this is the platform where I spilled out everything in my heart. With he knows, then let him be. It will be only between us.
