AND HERE WE ARE
Assalamualaikum and Hi!
Wasn't expecting to write but it is time to do so. So it almost end of 2018 so alhamdullilah everything went great. After ups and downs, I finally get back on track of what I want. August, September and October has been HARD for me. The journey was INTENSE. I was so stressed but blessed I can go through the days. From losing the person I loved the most till my lost in Sukma Perak.
My preparation for Sukma was INTENSE. 40days of final preparation and it took almost 2 years just for the biggest game in Malaysia. To be honest, my streak after Sukma Sarawak was really good...... so I thought, I peak at the wrong time. Sacrifice my studies and everything especially right after losing atok. The preparation was long/short enough, maybe? I met people who I trusted so much but at the end, become the most toxic person. But, thank you.
When people put trust/hope to you to deliver something to the state and you messed up. Ya Allah. Until today, I cannot go and see my coaches. I am so shy. I cannot give something they want but they gave everything to me. Time, money and EVERYTHING. I missed my team, A LOT. Shared our stories before sleep, massaging each other because of the soreness and everything. It just the feelings that you cannot explain. I hope one fine day, I have the strength to see everyone back especially Sir Phuah and Miss Lee. I missed to get free advices from James, Danial (the best seniors!)
From the effort I put in, do I deserve to feel devastated? What I sacrifices is nothing compared to others. But I still make sacrifices. If you are reading this and your thoughts is " I sacrifices more " then I have something to tell you too. I suffered with serious injury that requires me undergo surgery. Again, if you have a thought of " then why you sacrifices so much? Why don't you stop? " so, my answer will be, my parents and coaches sacrifices a lot. They advised to hold on. Because I still can fight with this injury. Wallahi, I was not expecting to get improved more after getting this injury. It just I can fight better than I was. So why should I stop?. From what I see, all athletes who suffered with this injury cannot maintain their good fight. So I decided to take a risk to postponed my surgery until today. As much as you explained, it still depends to people if they can understand or not.
Puteri told me before, she sacrificed her newborn sister while she was away for Sukma Sarawak preparation. It was months away from home. She cannot be there when her mommy giving birth. That feeling was different. When you sacrifices more there must be a hope of getting better results. When everyone celebrating with laughs she cried in silence. Everyone has their own reasons why they stopped but what I learned, not everything we want will be ours. Either we get what we want or we learned from it.
So after 1 month of resting and over-think, I decided to get myself a work. So right now, I am working and trying my very best to passionate in everything I do. Either work, or my responsibility as a daughter and sister. Yeah. We might loses everything we want if we sacrifices but at the end of the day either you learned from it or not. So I hoped, November and December 2018 will be great and makes my 2018 complete. Still many more to learn. Time, slow down a bit. I wanna enjoy my 2018 before more challenges started in 2019.
So here some of memories.
Team, I always miss every each of you. We shared everything together from the start. Thank you for the good memories. I love you.
Wasn't expecting to write but it is time to do so. So it almost end of 2018 so alhamdullilah everything went great. After ups and downs, I finally get back on track of what I want. August, September and October has been HARD for me. The journey was INTENSE. I was so stressed but blessed I can go through the days. From losing the person I loved the most till my lost in Sukma Perak.
My preparation for Sukma was INTENSE. 40days of final preparation and it took almost 2 years just for the biggest game in Malaysia. To be honest, my streak after Sukma Sarawak was really good...... so I thought, I peak at the wrong time. Sacrifice my studies and everything especially right after losing atok. The preparation was long/short enough, maybe? I met people who I trusted so much but at the end, become the most toxic person. But, thank you.
When people put trust/hope to you to deliver something to the state and you messed up. Ya Allah. Until today, I cannot go and see my coaches. I am so shy. I cannot give something they want but they gave everything to me. Time, money and EVERYTHING. I missed my team, A LOT. Shared our stories before sleep, massaging each other because of the soreness and everything. It just the feelings that you cannot explain. I hope one fine day, I have the strength to see everyone back especially Sir Phuah and Miss Lee. I missed to get free advices from James, Danial (the best seniors!)
From the effort I put in, do I deserve to feel devastated? What I sacrifices is nothing compared to others. But I still make sacrifices. If you are reading this and your thoughts is " I sacrifices more " then I have something to tell you too. I suffered with serious injury that requires me undergo surgery. Again, if you have a thought of " then why you sacrifices so much? Why don't you stop? " so, my answer will be, my parents and coaches sacrifices a lot. They advised to hold on. Because I still can fight with this injury. Wallahi, I was not expecting to get improved more after getting this injury. It just I can fight better than I was. So why should I stop?. From what I see, all athletes who suffered with this injury cannot maintain their good fight. So I decided to take a risk to postponed my surgery until today. As much as you explained, it still depends to people if they can understand or not.
Puteri told me before, she sacrificed her newborn sister while she was away for Sukma Sarawak preparation. It was months away from home. She cannot be there when her mommy giving birth. That feeling was different. When you sacrifices more there must be a hope of getting better results. When everyone celebrating with laughs she cried in silence. Everyone has their own reasons why they stopped but what I learned, not everything we want will be ours. Either we get what we want or we learned from it.
So after 1 month of resting and over-think, I decided to get myself a work. So right now, I am working and trying my very best to passionate in everything I do. Either work, or my responsibility as a daughter and sister. Yeah. We might loses everything we want if we sacrifices but at the end of the day either you learned from it or not. So I hoped, November and December 2018 will be great and makes my 2018 complete. Still many more to learn. Time, slow down a bit. I wanna enjoy my 2018 before more challenges started in 2019.
So here some of memories.
